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User blog:Diathe13/who did it have to be me?
I don't expect anyone to read this, but I needed to get it off my chest. , I haven't been myself lately. confidence is lower than usual, I feel like I don't belong. I thought that maybe, just maybe, that there might be someone who can relate to me. But, no. These past few years have been very difficult. When I was in 4th grade I found out that if I didn't get eye surgery my eyes would forever stay lazy. So, near the end of that year I had eye surgery. That was horrible. I wasn't allowed to take a shower for THREE weeks. My eyes were literally blood red because of the surgery. They stayed that way for 5 months. Wherever I went I got stared at. I had to wear sunglasses so the sun wouldn't hurt them. I couldn't look left to right, but that was only for a few weeks. And I still couldn't read at that time. I couldn't read until I was 12 years old. I still can't read very well. I used to have tutoring every. Single. Day. I hated every minute of it. It was because of my Dyslexia. I still have Dyslexia and always will. It's a chain that will always be there to pull me down. 5th grade was most definitely better than 4th grade. I was still struggling with reading, but I was getting better. Tutoring became more fun. I actually got a new tutor. She helped me to love reading. I remember one lesson where I just cried. She didn't tell me to stop crying and get back to work. She took my hands and prayed for me. And she didn't pray what most people pray for me. Usually, people will pray that I learn to read quickly. But she prayed that I'd see that I don't have to be able to read to have a great life. Sadly, she moved away. I've gotten to see her a few times since then, so that's nice. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean my life is horrible. I did and still do have one really good friend. I haven't seen her since I moved, but we write to each other. She's always been there for me and I'm really lucky to have such a great friend. So in 6th grade was where I finally learned to read. I was 12, I'm pretty sure that's not the right age to be 6th grade but I was still had Dyslexia. I went to a Co-op, and man did they push me and my classmates hard. My favorite class was engineering. We used Legos to build. Nearly no one liked this class. And I get why. It was one of the hardest classes. I think I was the only girl in my class who actually enjoyed it. Anyway, so later that year a lot of crazy stuff happened. My first tutor blamed my mother for me being Dyslexic, said my whole family were dumb since we are all homeschooled. Later that year my father got fired. All because of my Dyslexia. Or least that's what it feels like. If I didn't have Dyslexia maybe me and my family would still have big enough house for all of us. Though now the church my father works at is a lot nicer. Most people don't know this, but the reason I go by Dia now instead of Lydia is because it reminds me of my old church. I used to be in choir. And so was my friend. We really enjoyed it at first. But eventually they would use my name like I was in constant trouble. I hated going to church. When I tried quitting choir they would guilt me into to staying. I was in choir until the glory day my family and I moved. When we made there however, I felt even more alone then before. I didn't even have one friend. I have friends here now. Well, actually, only one. She's a lot of fun and likes a lot the stuff I like. She doesn't go to my church, but she does go my youth group, so I get to see her every wensday and every other Friday. But I still wonder why I had to be the one with Dyslexia. Why, when my life is so hard, why, when I have eyes that need constant attention. I know my life could be worse. I'm just having trouble focusing on the good things in my life. I am being really selfish, I know. But it's hard. I'm always the oldest in my grade. I'm 14 and I'm in 7th grade. I'm thinking about taking a break from Fandom, from it all. I- I just don't know. So if you read this, thank you. It means a lot to me. Diathe13 (talk) 01:14, October 22, 2019 (UTC)Dia Category:Blog posts